A lot has been running through my head today. I was in the swimming pool earlier and I just had some light bulbs go off. Someone I know recently deleted me on facebook. I wasn't really bothered by it because we hadn't been that big of friends, but what she told me kind of stuck around. She told me I was to negative and that I needed to get my "shit" together. Now that part is nothing that I haven't heard before. The next part is what hit me. She also said that It's time to man up and take control and that she wasn't going to come in and try to rescue me like others do. At first I didn't know exactly how to take it. Then today it hit me. I have created this atmosphere on my facebook page that anytime I post something on there, it is almost to see the reaction I will get. It's like I do it intentionally, to see what rise I will get out of people...shock value. I didn't believe it till I realized today that I believe I have been carrying what I would call a victim mentality around. My former friend was right...it's time to man up. I have two choices staring me in the face. I can continue doing what I have been doing and remain a "victim", or I can take control of things and become something.
I realized today that I'm tired of sitting around expecting people to just coddle me and be my therapist. Yes, I'm owning up to my own doings and saying enough is enough. I have a choice to make...it's time to own up to everything I have done and take responsibility. No one else is going to do it for me. So, with God's help, I'm going to become something. I'm going to do something with myself, I am going after my dreams. Me, yes me, myself and I, are going to take the bull by the horns and go after life. What does that mean for me?
Well, here's a list:
1. Become spiritually alive again
2. College Degree
3. My career/ministry
4. Getting on my own..my own house or apartment
5. Get out of Debt
6. IF it is God's will....get married.
7. Travel! Travel! Travel!
That's a small list. I'm sure I can think of other things as I go. I think #1 is a good place to start. Anyways,
that is all I have. I am considering deleting my facebook page. Not for a bad reason, but really to wipe the slate clean with all my crappy posts. I would make a new one....a clean slate. I'm up in the air on that though.
TTFN!
