Just know realized it has been over 10 months since I have blogged anything. Reading my last blog, I had just made some decisions that I thought were going to lead to new and exciting things. I would love to be able to say that I was at a place that was bringing me joy and life.
I sit here remembering the days when i had dreams of getting married and having kids. Just the other day my family was at the house talking about more grandkids, then the subject of great grandkids came up. The realization has hit me that my nieces and nephews are at a point where in a few years...they may be having kids of their own. Will I ever have my own kids or find a wife? Quite honestly, I don't know. I love being free and able to do as I please. The idea of having a companion sounds great...but do i need it?? My answer is realistically...in my current situation....No. However, if I ever (and at this point, this is a million miles away) continue on with ministry, I will need one. Which brings me to this...I miss the days where ministry was a passion. I haven't felt a great deal of passion for it in a long time. My greatest times were serving in a youth group or a mission's trip. Seems like the last couple of years though, I've been really struggling. It's been 10 months since I stepped down from youth ministry. I decided to take this whole year off. Not sure I want to go back. My only passions right now are politics and hunting. The dreams I had are fading in my heart and it's hard to see where I'm going.
Over the last year I've been trying to find my place in a church. It seems as if my church family is the people I call my friends, regardless of where I go to church. I may go to a church....but not really know people there. I started attending a church which i really like (Richwoods Christian Church East Campus), and I hope maybe I can connect with people. We'll see what happens. I am thankful for my friends that I have been reconnecting with.
Well, that is it for now....I'm the shell of the man I use to be. We'll see what happens. Until then...
Chris...you talk about once having the passion/vision for youth ministry? Question, What is it about that passion/vision that has changed?
ReplyDeleteI often find that the change is not the actual passion/vision that was at first birthed in me rather it is me that has changed. Often it doesn't move as fast as I would like it to or in the direction I feel it should be moving or a host of "me's" that get the passion/vision altered not the actual God given passion/vision. I have learned 2 things lately about ministry: 1, if I'm not hearing from God like I once did or need to be regarding direction/purpose I need to go back to the last time I heard or received God's direction and make sure I have completed that direction/purpose. God doesn't let us or give us more to do untill we have completed the last. 2. I can let mySELF get in the way all to easily. When I let MY vision/passion/plans get in the way that passion/purpose/direction that God instilled in me goes out the door. It's like the Holy Spirit says, Fine you want to do this then I'll just go over there and when you need me (after I have screwed it all up)just call me. I know you and what you are thinking but I am saying sit down tonight and HONESTLY get real with yourself and God. You can rant to Him but be honest cause He already knows the truth. Paul told Timothy to fan into flame that which God had placed in him. Don't expect a hot blazing ministry at first fan into a small flame that ember that still lies within, so it will be blazing.