If i could do anything in the world what would I do? My quick response was why I'd be a youth pastor of course. Two days later i find myself asking myself that question again. This time, i'm really thinking about it. Full time ministry is one of those things that you don't do unless you know your called. You don't just wake up one day and say..I want to be a youth minister. To be honest, I'm not sure that if i wasn't called, I would want to do ministry. It's not simple ho-hum stuff. You give of your time, energy, and alot of time sacrifice your own family. I guess what i find myself asking myself is..do you really want to do this?
I've traveled quite a bit in the last few years. I've been half way around the world. I've been to 25 different states. I've seen mountains, oceans, bears, lions, and chased by an elephant in Africa. I've even had a french stewardess sit on my lap...don't ask! One thing that really gets me is the site of a range of mountains in the distance with some lake or river near by. I like the sounds of a roaring rapid.
It's my desire to able to enjoy God's creation. That's where i feel most free. It's great to be busy, it's great to have alot to do. I ask myself though...where is your heart? Is my heart on finding a job? Is it on finding a wife? Is it on being on my own? Is it so wrapped up in making other people try to like you? Is it trying to please others? To all of this i say..yes. The heart is a vital ingredient to life. I'm again realizing that the heart is the center to all of this. How many times, have i found myself running on E, doing things because it's the right thing to do, but find myself saying...Is this it? IS THIS REALLY ALL LIFE IS? How many times, do we run from church service to church service getting our weekly fill? Why is it that we find ourselves always wanting a vacation, and dread coming back to our lives? I'm asking myself this right now. Vacations are great, but is my life so bad that i dread coming back to it??? What is wrong with this? If you read my posts, then you know that i always talk about wanting to get out of here, and leave. A change in location wouldn't change this state of the heart. There has got to be more to life than what i'm seeing. I'm not a big Risk fan...I hate taking them. However, it is one of my favorite games to play. Without Risk, I will not gain much. Without pressure, I will not grow. Life has been sucked out of my heart. I fear many things. I think why i like the wild west and places like Colorado and Alaska are, it's because it can be dangerous. Alaska.....Grizzly bears run around up there. Wild animals are everywhere. Colorado is amazingly beautiful. I think the adventure brings me back to life. Some things scare me half to death. I think the biggest fear isn't getting swallowed by a whale, or eaten by a bear or lion. It's living life without experiencing everything. Love and adventure are scary things at times...I fear i may miss them both.
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