So, I woke up this morning at 3:30 or so, and I have no clue why I am awake. I've got alot on my mind, and quite honestly, it's both frightening and exciting. I've been feeling awhile now that things are going to be changing soon. Somehow and this is scary, I am starting to relate my life to the show Lost. I think in alot of ways, my life reminds me of some of the characters who had some bad experiences in life, or did things that they were not proud of, and are almost given a new start. I know my life isn't as complex as some of their's but I feel like i've been given another go at it. On that island, characters had to face their fears, face their past, and deal with things. Have you ever had a scar or maybe a bruise or cut or something that you thought was going away? Your sitting there, then all of a sudden someone comes up and takes their finger and just puts in right in the middle of that bruise?? All of a sudden you start to scream out in pain and your going What the ?!?! I thought that it was better. I'm starting to realize that sometimes God does that to us to remind us that we are hurt. We get so use to the pain, that we begin to live with it, forgetting that it's there. We'd almost rather tolerate the pain, than deal with the actual problem. We build up a tolerance to it, till one day we think we are over it, and then Wham! Something rubs us the wrong way, or reminds us of that initial pain. Then you start to ask yourself...Why do i act like this? Why am i upset at this, where is this coming from??!?
"I thought i was over this." Then you lift up your shirt or jeans or whatever and realize there's still a big gaping cut, still bleeding. Maybe it's a broken bone that never healed right. When I was in 4th grade i broke my wrist, running backwards in gym. While in the cast, somehow i rebroke my wrist, and it never healed right.
For a long time, my wrist would still hurt from where it never healed right. God actually healed my wrist a few years ago, it doesn't hurt anymore. Thing is, i'm not as strong in my left wrist as i am my right. My point in this is that we are all broken people, who have hurt, hangups, fears, etc. For me, instead of letting them control my life, i'm choosing to deal with them. This means, finding the source of pain, allowing God to put his finger in the wound, showing me that it's even there. Sometimes we don't even know we are hurt till this happens.
The hardest part is facing the source. Alot of what i have dealt with has affected how i relate to people, how i am in social situations. As someone who is wanting to go into ministry, I have to deal with this, otherwise, I wont be able to be used to the ability I could be. John 10:10 says: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." The good news is that we don't have to live with the pain. God came to bring life to those areas which are dead or hurting. I look at my own life, and one thing i've decided is that I want this life that is more abundant. The message i keep hearing in my heart is that God can change your life now. It's not just about eternity, it's about life now. Yeah, there's a prize in the sky, but we still have to live life now. What good is a message that only promises eternal life? Granted, that's a big promise, but most religions promise that. However, a message that can change your life now, and give you eternal life....that's worth living for! Another honest look at my life, and where it is going.
Merry Christmas to All!
No comments:
Post a Comment