Are my best days behind me?

I've been asking myself alot of tough questions lately. The kind of questions that reading a book or quoting a favorite scripture doesn't necessarily answer. This past Sunday at church, Pastor John King challenged the older generation to not give into the mindset that once you reach a certain age and retire, the only thing left to do is die. I've seen people who once they retire, it all goes down hill. Your probably asking yourself...why am I of all people talking about retirement and dying when I'm only 33? That's a really good question.
I've done alot in life already. However, I've recently hit a place that leaves me asking the question...Are my best days behind me? There's alot going on in my life right now. I recently completed all my class work for ISOM(Illinois School of  Ministry), up until the second level. I have an internship still to do as well as all of the interviews and big exam. Now, I know..why would I get this far and start thinking that nothing is going to happen with this? Right now, I feel like I need to be here near my parents to help out with things while my dad is recovering. (Please continue to pray that he does) I do not know how long this will be. It's hard for me to think about moving away with this going on. I feel like I've hit a place where i've done everything I can do where I am at. In order me to do something new, it's going to take me jumping to another level or something.
I'm 33 and i'm not getting any younger. The fountain of youth has not been found and last i checked there's no such thing as reverse aging cream. My point is, all my life, I've had the dream of getting married, having kids, going into ministry, traveling, going on adventures that I know only God could make happen and I feel like that dream is dead or dying. Everytime I try to proceed with my calling, I feel like i take 2 steps back.  I know that ministry is still in my blood. I know this, because I like to dig into the Bible and teach. When I see ministries teaching false and bad doctrine/theology, it makes me boil inside. It's not about me being right, it's more about the church being misrepresented by crazy nut jobs. My heart is for the church. It's for the church to shine and become an agent of change and be all she can be. See, I love the Bible. I want to see it taught right and the truth made known. The word is suppose to be a well spring of life that changes people. My fear is that the church is becoming something that relies more on experiences than Biblical truth. The scary part is that what most people would call real because they "feel" this way or that way, I can get the same feelings from watching the movie "UP." This is heading into another blog I could start to write..so I will head back into where I was going. I don't want to be someone who chases the miraculous and has encounters with the Holy Spirit and feels all tingly inside...but yet doesn't bare the "fruit" of the Holy Spirit. I've heard enough about glory bumps and miracles..If the Holy Spirit isn't changing people into people who display love, joy, peace, self-control, kindness etc..then what's really going on? Wasn't it Paul who said..You can have tongues, PROPHECY, etc..but if not love..hmmm. What was Paul saying?  Anyways, I want to see the real church shine. I guess what I'm saying is, I know what's in me. I know where I've been....but the question is...where am I going? I am wrestling with this. See, I could just throw up a scripture and feel all great...but I'm wrestling with God in all of this. I want to walk away from this knowing that i'm somehow different, somehow at a new place. Jacob wrestled with God and came away with a new name. I'm wrestling and don't intend on looking the same when i'm done. However, I'm not sure what's ahead.